I Don't Deserve This!

 There are a lot of times in life that we all feel like we don't deserve something, many times this feeling stems from a sense of entitlement. Usually we say we don't deserve to be treated a certain way or we say it as a way to infer that we deserve more than what we have received. I am just as guilty of this as anyone else, I feel like for some reason I am different than other people and that I shouldn't have to endure someone being less than polite. The truth is no one should be rude, mean, hurtful, inconsiderate of others but the reality is we all act this way at times. We all have bad days; we all react without thinking our actions through sometimes; we all make assumptions. Worst of all we all feel we are entitled to days where our behavior is poor but we also feel entitled to never have to experience the repercussions of someone else having that same poor behavior.

We all need to learn to love each other in the way that Christ loves us. I know that the WWJD fad made the question a bad secular joke rather than a true question to keep ourselves in check. I really do think about this a lot when I am struggling what to do in a situation or when I know the actions I want to take are wrong. I honestly ask myself, what would Jesus do, I mean if He was really here in my shoes what would His response be? It doesn't make me perfect I don't do the right thing all the time, I am trying to change that a little bit everyday. I want everyday to be less sinful and flawed than the day before, I want to move closer to God, I want to be more like Christ everyday.

The truth is I am not entitled to anything, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve the love of Christ but He gives it and gives it abundantly (1Timothy1:14). So, if we really love people as Christ loves then we love them like they deserve it even on their bad days. I don't deserve to even be alive writing this right now but with Christ in me I am a daughter of the King and I have been given life through Him alone. I don't deserve the Son of God to lay down His life for my inadequacy and sinful fallen nature. I deserve death and I deserve hell; God loves us so much though that He covered our sin and gave us the gift of His love and life.

Lord, when things get tough when I am having a bad day and it feels like everything is falling apart, let me be reminded who is in control and that it's not me. When I think that I am a "good" person and I deserve better treatment or more preference, remind me that I am not good, I don't deserve anything good; remind me that you give me the things I don't deserve anyways because you love me. Lord, show me your beauty and the lesson in every hard time. Draw me closer to you no matter what it costs me because I don't deserve anything yet through you I have more than everything. Thank you for you abounding extravagant love for me, thank you for calling me your own. Thank you for being everything I could never deserve. I love you Father, stretch me daily, I never want to cease to grow in you.

Next time you feel like you don't deserve something because you are entitled to better remember Jesus on the cross enduring all the punishment for sin that He did not commit; He did not deserve one second of the pain and suffering that He endured for our sake. Jesus is the only one who was ever entitled to more than He received from this world. Therefore, out of love endure the minimal suffering and pain this world has to offer in His name.

In Christ's Love,

Reed Eden

Middle Grey

I feel like if the Church as a whole had a color attached to it, like a high school or a sports team, our color would be middle grey. It's the perfect in between color, it's not too dark and depressing like black; it's also not too bright and cheery like white; it's comfortably in the middle. It makes everyone happy, we can easily blend in with the black in the world with out being too awkward, yet without completely conforming.


Christians like to stay as close to the worldly things as we can and still feel like we can legitimately call ourselves Christians still. The truth is that our faith is nothing if it's not 100%, we are either for God or we are against Him, that means you don't get to pick, choose, or edit His words. Even if you choose to be against God you can't change His words and His truth, you can choose to be deceived and you can choose to fight that truth but you cannot change it.


As Christians we are terrible at the part of Christianity that makes us step out of our comfort zone and actually be different than the rest of the world. We all like the part of Christianity that donates money to charity, we even like the part where we donate our time and talents, that's easy. The reason why most of us like this aspect of Christianity is because we get all the glory, we have lots of people who thank us and tell us how wonderful we are for giving up so much to help others. That part is easy, it's easy to give from your extra and your abundance and then be rewarded for it; the problem is this is a worldly reward and it will be the only thing you ever get if you are not giving the glory back to God, the only one who deserves it.


When it comes right down to it we don't want to disagree too strongly or at all with the things of this world because that means that people are going to judge us and say mean things about us. We don't want to lose friends, we don't want to be outcasts, we don't want people to.....catch the trend here, it's all about us and other people. No where in this mindset are we concerned with God and His thoughts and feelings about us, we justify our behavior that it's okay to keep silent, it's okay to not be too different; we tell ourselves as long as we don't commit the sin that we see all around us then we are still doing right.


It's comfortable to keep watching inappropriate TV shows and movies, and a little worldly music won't hurt, and it's okay to sin as long as it's not too often and as long as it's not one of the "really bad" sins. I think the classification hierarchy we have created for which sins are worse than others is absolutely ridiculous too, to God all sin is evil and He despises it all equally, there is no such thing as better or worse sin.


I am by no means perfect, it is easy to write about the things I have struggled with and continue to struggle with. I don't want to allow the enemy to use the social pressure of the world to make me choose to conform to worldly standards in exchange for my Father's standards. I struggle everyday with making compromises to keep the peace and maintain my image so that people will not think I'm too crazy. God says we will be persecuted because of Him, people will think we are foolish, people with say terrible things about us, we will lose friends. The best part about all of that is knowing that it is all worth it, He always has good intentions towards us, He is alive within us and is always with us, and He loves us so much that He reserved a place in heaven just for us because we are called His own.


Pick a side, choose your team color, black or white, there is no middle grey.


In Christ's Love,
Reed Eden