As humans we like relationships and contact with other people; I think that most people would even agree that these connections are a necessity. There have been studies done, people require human contact just to stay sane, people don't do very well alone, at least not for long. Yet, we are becoming more and more of a disconnected society; as we connect more electronically (like this blog) we are not forced to connect face to face the way we used to. You can live in complete seclusion if you want; you can work from home, buy anything including groceries online, pay bills online, and have just about anything delivered straight to your door. I don't want to talk about the ways we are disconnected as much as I want to talk about why we are this way.
A few friends of mine have told me that they don't like small churches or small towns for pretty much the same basic reasons: they are too small, everyone knows each other, everyone knows your entire life, every one just knows way too much about everything, more specifically about everyone. I think our shift away from this small church /town environment stems not from a desire for disconnection, I don't even think it stems from a need for privacy, although that's what we tend to call it. I think we desire to not be judged, shunned, or have our reputation and acceptance in the community jeopardized. We all want to be loved and accepted and especially in a smaller environment it is all too easy to judge others and voice that judgement to an entire community. The funny part is the list of reasons that people give for why they don't like the small church or town are not actually what they dislike; if we really think about it, it doesn't matter that everyone knows I buy my groceries on Saturday mornings at Tom's market. We don't care about things like that, we care about people not only judging us but holding us accountable for our lives and our actions.
Judgement is something that we are not supposed to do, in fact God specifically tells us not to judge others less we be judged. I have no right to judge another sinner when that is exactly what I am myself; it's all sin to God no matter what we as people have defined as more or less severe; sin is sin, period. Think of it this way what if someone was eating their fifth double fudge brownie right in front of you and with their mouth full they decided to tell you that you really shouldn't be eating pretzels because the carbs will make you fat, you'd likely be upset. I know this sounds silly but I want to illustrate how ridiculous it is for one sinner to judge another. It just doesn't make sense and you will probably be pretty offended that someone who has blood all over their hands is worried about the drop of blood on yours.
Now that we got the huge obvious reason why people dislike community out of the way, let's talk about the reasons we don't like to admit and maybe don't even realize. We like to keep people at an arms distance, we don't want very many people to get too close to us because then they can hurt us. If you give someone access to your life, and essentially your heart, you give them access to cause you pain and that requires trust. We just don't trust people, mostly because most of us have been hurt by people we loved before and we don't want to feel that way again. I think that judgement is a problem but I think it's really an excuse for fear and lack of trust more than anything. If someone is concerned that we were not in church on Sunday many of us immediately become defensive and feel attacked. I know it sounds crazy but some people actually just love and care about other people; our defensiveness is rooted in the accountability issue. I have been the wounded victim of pain inflicted by a loved one on more than one occasion, I think we all have; I would even say if you haven't then you haven't loved anyone and for that I am truly sorry. I have also hurt people that I love and that love me, not intentionally but it still hurts all the same. I think the real goal is to recognize when you have hurt someone and take responsibility and ask for their forgiveness; likewise, forgive those who have offended you.
I don't think the number of people matters as much as the community aspect does. If as a church you can maintain the community with 10,000 then go for it; I just am not that talented and I can't remember that many names...haha! I challenge all of us to not just live in a small town or attend a small church, I am not suggesting that we all live lives judged by others. I am suggesting that you allow yourself to be held accountable for being the person you proclaim to be in Christ, that means sometimes you mess up and when you do you ask for forgiveness. It also means that those in your community are expected to remind you in a loving manner when you are not living up to those standards, no one enjoys this but in Christ we can learn to humbly accept it and respect the fellow Christian who had the courage to hold us accountable. Let me be clear that I am not suggesting the entire community be aware of your every fault or that you are always publicly held accountable. When done properly, in love (I keep saying that because it's the most important aspect to this), accountability is a good thing; it is never done with an intent to embarrass, shame, degrade, or harm the person in anyway. It's not easy to tell someone you love that they need correction in an area, we don't like it but we do it out of love.
I think it's the community itself that we dislike, not the small church or town. We don't want to be required to live our lives in a way we are proud of all the time; we like how easy it is to have a dirty little secret life; more importantly we don't want anyone to point out the incongruence in our lives. It's easy to talk the talk if no one ever has to see you walk the walk. I personally want that community in my life; I want to know who my fellow believers are; I want to know who to look to for support or advice or prayer. I want to be held accountable even when it's not easy, I want someone to love me enough that they refuse to let me stumble because of pride or fear.
So get too close, just be respectful and loving when you do it!
Please love me that much, get close, be my community of believers!
In Christ's Love,
Reed Eden
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